I had a strange and scary reoccuring dream while I was undergoing chemotherapy:
I was on a baseball field by myself, and I was up at bat with one of those pitching machines. The first ball came, and I hit it successfully. The second ball came, and I hit it, but this time not as far. The third ball came, and I missed it completely... The fourth ball came right away, and I missed that one, too. Then the fifth and six came as curve balls, one zoomed past my shoulder, the other other knocked me in the chest. I stumbled to get back on my feet, but the next round of baseballs were flying at me fast. They were picking up more speed, slamming me at all directions. I was on the ground, yelling for help, getting bruised and beaten by these baseballs, but no one was around to hear me.... At this point in the dream I usually woke up.
This is what chemotherapy felt like to me. Helpless. Painful. Alone. Defeated.
I couldn't keep up. With each round, my whole body took a blow, and I didn't have enough time to recover before the next round hit me back down again. It was this constant feeling of growing weaker and weaker, sicker and sicker, and not being able to do anything about it but take the beating and hope your body can make it out alive.
When I heard "I Can't Keep Up" by Tourist, I knew I needed to create movement to it, and I knew that it needed to be inspired by this dream I had....
What do you do when you can't keep up? How do you keep going? Where do you find strength and hope when you have none?
I decided to take on theses answer through my movement.
Photography by Jenna Maslechko
This year, I had the honor of being an Alumni Choreographer for the the Professional Semester Program at Broadway Dance Center, and I chose to give them the challenge. They worked so hard at every rehearsal... and we only had 6 rehearsals to put it all together! Watching their final semester showcase at Alvin Ailey's theater gave me chills and tears of joy.
They truly brought my vision to life. It powerful and magical to watch. The chills down my spine type of good.
The video is coming soon, but here are come beautiful moments for now, captured by Jayna Photography!